What’s the Weather?

Navigating divorce is  like Spring in  New Jersey

Divorce is often referred to as a rollercoaster. I understand why. The sudden drops, the sharp turns, the loops and feeling like you have no control over where the ride takes you next. It’s a fair metaphor. But it has never quite captured what I see in my divorce coaching practice, or what I lived through myself.

Here in New Jersey, we have something that describes divorce better: spring.

Let me describe a typical week of spring at the Jersey Shore.  

• On Monday it’s 75 degrees, you open your windows and the whole world smells like possibility. 
• By Wednesday, there are snow flurries, the heat is back on and you’re hunting for your coat. 
• Friday brings fog so thick you can barely see across the street.  
• Sunday’s forecast might be “scattered showers in the morning, changing to steady rain in the afternoon, clearing by evening with strong, gusty winds.  Clear skies and mild temperatures overnight”.

Divorce seems more like that to me.

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The Problem with the Rollercoaster

The rollercoaster metaphor does something sneaky: it makes the emotional chaos of divorce feel like entertainment. A rollercoaster is something you choose to ride.  As you stand in line, you can see the track and watch others experience the ride.  You willingly step into the car, lower your safety bar and anticipate the thrill.  You get on, you get off…and it lasts about 3 minutes.

But divorce isn’t a ride you get off. It’s a season you move through. Like any season, you have to learn to live in it and not just survive it.

A New Jersey spring doesn’t try to make sense. It just shows up, shifting from one extreme to the next, and expects you to keep up. Some days the sun feels good on your face and everything seems lighter. Other days, the cold creeps back into your bones and you’re left wondering if that warmth was just a memory.

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I Help You Weather the Weather

I’m not a meteorologist and I don’t control the forecast.  But as far as divorce goes, I am someone who helps you weather the season.

As a divorce coach,  I’m here to walk alongside you through the practical, emotional, and strategic terrain of divorce and the life that comes after it. Think of me as the person who checks the weather forecast with you every morning and helps you figure out what to wear.

Sometimes what you need is sunscreen. 

When you need protection while you’re out in the open, exposed in ways you didn’t expect. Maybe you’re negotiating with a difficult ex, navigating a legal process that feels overwhelming, or simply trying to figure out who you are now that the marriage has ended. I help you protect yourself without having to hide indoors.

Sometimes what you need are mittens and a scarf. 

When grief comes in (and it will come in, even on the days that started off sunny) you will need warmth. You need someone who can sit with you and remind you that you won’t be this cold forever.

Sometimes what you need is an umbrella. 

Unexpected things happen in divorce: financial surprises, legal twists, the kids having a harder week than anticipated. An umbrella doesn’t stop the rain, but it means you’re not soaked through by it. I help you anticipate what’s coming when I can and respond to what you didn’t see coming when I can’t.

Sometimes what you need are rain boots.

To wade through the mud of the hard logistical stuff. Parenting plans. Finances. Dividing a household. These things are rarely as clean as anyone wants them to be, and they require a certain readiness to get a little dirty. I walk through that with you.

And sometimes – more often than people expect – what you need are flip flops. 

Open-toed optimism. Permission to feel good on the warm days without immediately bracing for the cold. Permission to enjoy your life as it is right now, even while it’s still changing. Permission to be happy before everything is resolved.

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Step Outside. I’ll Check the Weather With You.

What I offer is support through it. I have walked this path. I have coached many others through it. I know how to read a forecast, and I know how to dress for the days when the forecast is wrong. I know what to keep in the bag you carry “just in case” and I know when to leave the umbrella at home to trust the sun.

You don’t have to weather this alone. Let’s check the forecast together.