The Power of the Pause: What Winnie Taught Me About Slowing Down During Divorce.

I arrived home from Africa with a full heart, thousands of photos, and a suitcase that sat in the corner of my bedroom for far longer than I’d like to admit.

Well… technically the suitcase was unpacked. The laundry, however, has become its own piece of furniture.

Every time I walk past the basket, I quietly negotiate with myself. Maybe later. Then I glance over at my desk where stacks of mail are waiting to be sorted, an inbox has somehow multiplied while I was away, and a to-do list feels even longer than it did before I left. The reality of coming home has a way of replacing the magic of vacation pretty quickly.

As I stood there this week, I caught myself doing something I know many of us do. I started mentally calculating how I was going to get everything done—fold the laundry, answer emails, return phone calls, write this blog, record a podcast, schedule clients, clean the kitchen, vacuum the floors, and somewhere in there, go grocery shopping for my kids. The list kept growing, and with every new task, the weight on my shoulders seemed to grow too.

I’ve learned enough about myself over the years to recognize what happens next. My mind becomes noisy. I stop thinking clearly. I bounce from one task to another without really accomplishing much of anything. I become distracted, a little impatient, a little short-tempered, and, if I’m being honest, a little grumpy.

For a long time, my answer to that feeling was simple: push harder. Work longer. Stay up later. Cross off one more thing. Surely if I just kept moving, I’d eventually feel caught up.

But overwhelm doesn’t respond very well to pressure. In fact, I’ve discovered the opposite is true. The harder I push, the less effective I become.

So this week, I tried something different.

Instead of sitting down at my desk with my planner and laptop, I simply sat in the chair by the window. Within seconds, Winnie jumped up beside me. She curled herself into the smallest little ball, let out the kind of contented sigh only dogs seem capable of, and promptly fell asleep.

She wasn’t worried about the laundry. She wasn’t thinking about my inbox or my to-do list. She simply rested.

As I watched her, I realized something that felt surprisingly profound.

Dogs never apologize for resting. They don’t convince themselves they have to earn it first. They don’t finish every chore before they allow themselves to be still. When they’re tired, they rest. When they need quiet, they find it. And when they’re ready, they simply get up and keep going.

It made me wonder when we became so uncomfortable with pausing.

Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing that slowing down meant we were falling behind. We equate productivity with worth, convincing ourselves that if we stop even for a moment, we’re somehow failing.

But what if we’ve gotten it backwards?

What if pausing is actually one of the most productive things we can do?

I see this all the time in my work as a divorce coach. Divorce has a way of making everything feel urgent. There are financial decisions to make, parenting schedules to coordinate, attorneys waiting for answers, documents to sign, and mediation sessions to prepare for. It can feel as though everyone needs something from you immediately, and when you’re emotionally exhausted, making any decision can seem better than making no decision at all.

But the decisions that shape the rest of your life deserve more than urgency. They deserve clarity.

And clarity rarely arrives when we’re rushing. It arrives when we create enough space to hear ourselves think. It comes when we stop reacting and begin responding, when we reconnect with our priorities instead of simply trying to escape the discomfort of the moment.

That’s one of the reasons I believe so strongly in pre-mediation divorce coaching. People often think preparation is about gathering financial documents or deciding who keeps the house. Those things certainly matter. But the most important preparation happens long before anyone sits around a mediation table. It’s preparing yourself, learning how to calm your nervous system, understanding your priorities, thinking through difficult conversations before you’re having them, and creating enough emotional space to make decisions from your values rather than your fear.

Because mediation isn’t simply a legal conversation. It’s one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have about your future. You deserve to walk into that room as the calmest, clearest version of yourself and not the most overwhelmed one.

As for me, the laundry is still waiting. The inbox isn’t empty, and my to-do list certainly hasn’t disappeared. But after giving myself permission to pause, something interesting happened. None of those things felt quite so overwhelming anymore. I folded a few towels, answered a handful of emails, and checked off one or two things not because I forced myself to, but because I had finally given my mind enough room to breathe.

Maybe that’s what Winnie was trying to teach me all along.

Not every moment needs to be productive. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is pause.

Because a pause isn’t procrastination. It isn’t laziness or weakness, and it certainly isn’t giving up. It’s creating enough space to move forward with intention.

If you’re standing in the middle of your own overwhelming season whether it’s divorce, mediation, parenting, or simply life, I hope you’ll give yourself permission to do the same. The laundry will still be there. The emails can wait another hour. Your future deserves decisions made from clarity, not chaos.

Sometimes clarity begins with stillness. And sometimes your wisest teacher has four paws and reminds you that it’s okay to simply rest